Frank Torres, Orlando Freelance Reporter

Sprinting in the Dark: Your Iowa Caucus Preview Pt. 1

In Uncategorized on December 27, 2011 at 3:49 pm

One thing we know moving towards the Iowa Caucus next week is that, they’re is a candidate for every kind of voter. Capitol Hill Veterans, Mamma Grizzly-Conservative Firebrands, Southern Conservative Governors, North Eastern Republicans, and even a Libertarian to chose from.

What we don’t know is, who’s going to pull it off, or if victory in Iowa even means anything anymore. Let’s take a look at the candidates.

Newt Gingrich: Was this guy even suppose to be here? A few months back, his campaign staff left him for dead and armed only with a smug arrogance, contempt for the media, and a nothing to lose debate philosophy, Gingrich rode the anti-Romney crowd to recent front runner status.

Strengths: The most knowledgeable candidate in the field, years of capitol hill experience, a cavalier communication style and blunt, upfront relationship with the media when relaying his message.

Weaknesses: His cavalier communication style and blunt upfront relationship with media when relaying his message! This guy is a Press Secretary’s nightmare, who is capable of saying a regrettable statement at any given moment. Like…..

Memorable Campaign Quote: “I’m going to be the nominee”

Gingrich's own enemy is himself

Rick Santorum: He was invisible for the majority of the debates and his diet apparently only consists of Red Bull and Vivarin because, the former Senator from Pennsylvania looks and sounds like he could snap at any minute and go on a campaign ending tirade.

Strengths: He’s already hit all of Iowa’s 99 counties and is going back for seconds. He’ll barnstorm with the best of them and 08′ Iowa caucus winner Mike Huckabee expects him to do well. His platform actually appeals to a lot of Conservatives.

Weaknesses: He’s just so terrible when talking about it. Man, that Palin endorsement would sure come in handy right now.

Memorable Campaign Quote: (look of panic)

If Santorum could do a better job getting his message out there, he could contend

Michele Bachmann:
Remember Bachmann’s first debate appearance? She brought a firm conservative message and much needed spark to the primary conversation. She won the Ames straw poll faster than anyone ever has (she’ll be happy to let you know that). Then her message got repetitive and her stock dropped. Rick Perry and Herman Cain started getting the pub and she got less time to remind us that she has 837 foster children.

Strengths: When Michele Bachmann flexes her Tax Attorney smarts, she sounds calculated and versed on her stop-spending campaign ideology. She’s outgoing during the debates and jumps into the conversation completely out of nowhere, like a stranger waiting in line at the grocery store. She’s already won in Iowa and as everyone has mentioned a thousand times before, she was born there.

Weaknesses: It’s the same ole message since she’s jumped in the race…literally. It hasn’t evolved and that’s difficult to do considering she sends out about 30 news releases a day. Dodd-Frank, Tea Party Caucus, Foster Mother. It’s time for something new.

Memorable Campaign Quote: “Turn 999 upside down and you’ll see. The Devil is in the details”

Bachmann has won in Iowa before, can she do it again?

Jon Huntsman: Congratulations to the Huntsman campaign! By ignoring Iowa, sitting out debates, and deserting Orlando for New Hampshire, you’ve managed to alienate two early voting states! A difficult feat to accomplish this early in the campaign season.

Strengths: Kermit the Frog, baby! The two bonded on the set of Saturday Night Live and rumor has it that the Huntsman campaign will have Kermit stump for him in Iowa. His daughters are terrific on the campaign trail and are surprisingly frank when addressing their dad’s chances.

Weaknesses: He hasn’t set foot in the state in months and gave up on it a long time ago. He’s polling 3rd in New Hampshire, the granite state will be the former Utah Governor’s last stand.

Memorable Campaign Quote: ” I use to poll as a margin of error”

if Huntsman sent Kermit to Iowa he could be the front runner by the weekend.

Part II Tomorrow!

  1. […] haven’t read part I and the Google elves have sent you here first. Then, catch up with the first part here</strong>. With only five days to go, we’ve examined Newt, Santorum, Bachmann and […]

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